based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
