He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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