It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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