Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
