did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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