you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
