I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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