Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
