...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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