i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
