we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
