My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
