Three words: puerto rican gang bang
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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