I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
