there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
this hospital has no fireball
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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