Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
