i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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