forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
