Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
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she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
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I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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