There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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