after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
