I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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