You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
