I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
