apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
