I think im going to throw up on grandma
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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