I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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