last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
