The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
please come you make the beer taste better
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
there was a trapeze. enough said
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
