cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
