u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
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as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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