Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
