hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
