Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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