Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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