Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm always down for nudity.
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