We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
