oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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