Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
