trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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