I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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