Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
