my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
