There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
