how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
