Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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