I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
