Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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