That's intense
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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