Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Randomize
