I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Rumble strips road head = magical
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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