yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
