Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
