I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
