happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
