She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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