i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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