Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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