I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
