The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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