I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
