I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
