this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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