Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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