Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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