she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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