theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
