I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
